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The First Takesgiving
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The First Takesgiving

by Joseph on November 25, 2006
Chapter: Backpage Comics
└ Tags: Food, Holidays
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Hello. I'm Joseph Devens. Welcome to the Internet home of the Whale Cartoon, or the Whale Comic Strip, as it is known to its friends. My message is simple: Whale, which is a funny webcomic featuring dogs and rabbits, birds and swine, monotremes, a human girl child, a gentleman who looks like Montana, sometimes a moderately sexy android, and a whole lot of celebrity guests, is the greatest thing you will ever put in your brainflaps. Join Whale on his adventures with Little Girl as they explore new heights of surreality and awkwardness. Or, spend time with Pig and Duck as they straddle the line between what's scientifically possible and what's dramatically plausible. Perhaps spend an afternoon or two with Murphy, as he interviews IfTheodoreRooseveltWereARabbit, in complete disregard for his own sanity. I advise against spending any time with Montanaface, you will wish you were dead. And don't forget to peek in on a date with Duck and Sarah 4020, which may lead you to question whether a robot sexual partner may be in your own near future. Oh, and Platypus. There's a platypus in here somewhere. Thank you, and goodnight.

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(A severe-looking CEO lady at a desk with a cactus on it and a nameplate reading 'J.P. TANDYBUCK' lights a cigarette while responding to a call on speakerphone) TANDYBUCK: Tandybuck here. Make it fast. REP: Sorry to bother you, Ms. Tandybuck, but I've got a belligerent customer on the line demanding to speak with the CEO. TANDYBUCK: And I'm overjoyed that you've actually decided to put him through! That's sarcasm, genius. I'm running a Fortune 500 pharmaceutical company here, not the morning call-in show with Skip Dipshit and the Ding-Dong Crew. You're fired. REP: I don't really work here, ma'am. I'm a temp. TANDYBUCK: Oh yeah? Then you're hired! REP: Really! TANDYBUCK: Yes! And now you're fired. Put this clown on the line, then get the hell out of my building. (She presses a button on the phone) TANDYBUCK: ...Tandybuck Pharmaceuticals, our people make the difference--how can I help you, sir? WHALE: Yes. Finally. I'm calling about this Li'l Colon Butler thing I bought. TANDYBUCK: Ah, yes, Li'l Colon Butler. Our most popular colon cleansing device. Are the drills and brushes oscillating properly? WHALE: That is not the issue, madam. What concerns me is Li'l Colon Butler's size. TANDYBUCK: Right, it's half the size of original Colon Butler, for those with...discerning rectums. WHALE (on the phone next to a comically large version of Colon Butler): Boy, that's funny...because it looks TWICE as big to me! I can barely fit it in my house, let alone my anus--and I'm a whale! I demand a full refund...yes, that's right, a...now there's no need to get...now, hold it right there...you...I...I am not! I simply...now, look here...well that's...oh yeah? ...Shove it up where? That's exactly what I'm trying to do, lady! ...Hello? (Tandybuck is now snorting coke off her desk while still on speakerphone) WHALE: ...Hello? Tandybuck, I know you're still there, I can hear you doing cocaine...I'll just show myself out.

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