Featuring:
Dylan HollywoodSerial arsonist and Little Girl's on-again, off-again, on-again bad boy flame, Dylan is just the sorta rake with enough swing and deli meat stuffed in his drawers to blow into town and melt, then immediately break, every heart in his path, because none more than he recognize the ubiquitously-parroted regard for 'kindness' and 'a good sense of humor' as the two exclusive keys to young ladies' hearts and other organs as the horseshit lie it is and always will be. Comics: 3 |
IfTeddyIftheodorerooseveltwerearabbit, I-NY., 'IfTeddy' to his frenemies, is not one of these politicians bound by the shackles of party affiliation, duty, logic, reason, decency, coherence, and consistency, but prefers instead to fuel his service to the citizens of Eastern Long Island with a unique cocktail of highly-offensive spontaneous outbursts, (which are as mystifying to his own ears as they are to his constituents'), close-up magic, 'T', 'A', and drums of actual cocktail. His likes include himself, giant wax effigies of himself, and even gianter oil paintings of the giant effigies of himself. His dislikes include public transportation, Beatles songs, each of the Beatles themselves as human beings, and all of their solo careers except Ringo's. Comics: 147 |
MontanafaceMontanaface is clearly unattractive. This is largely due to his head and face being in the shape of the state of Montana. Comics: 54 |
PigMild-mannered, spectacle-wearing high school calculus teacher by day, mild-mannered, spectacle-wearing night school calculus teacher by night, Pig has been Duck’s more reasoned half since rooming together at Famous Frank’s Famous Polytechnical School Of Engineering, Applied Science, Chicken, Mathematics, And Waffles at NYU, often at the expense of his own physical, emotional, and financial health. Comics: 128 |
PlatypusPlat*y*pus [Plat-i-pus] -Noun, Plural -puses, -pi A small, aquatic, egg-laying monotreme, Ornithorhynchus Anatinus, of Australia and Tasmania, having webbed feet, a tail like that of a beaver, a sensitive bill resembling that of a duck, and, in adult males, venom-injecting spurs on the ankles of the hind limbs, used primarily for fighting with other males during the breeding season. Comics: 97 |
WhaleBinomial Nomenclature: Physeter Macrocephalus. Age: 56. Weight: 41,000 Kilograms. Occupation: Jazz Musician. Former Occupation: Host of WLIW Public Television's least educational educational children's variety program, Whale And Kids, from its premier in 1990 to its cancellation in 1992 amid a swarm of controversy surrounding one of the kids being eaten on live television. Religion: Secular Jew. Smokes: Marmots. Loves: Smoking, Mingus, A-1 Steak Sauce. Hates: Water chestnuts, all children except one, the ocean. Comics: 250 |
Hello. I'm Joseph Devens. Welcome to the Internet home of the Whale Cartoon, or the Whale Comic Strip, as it is known to its friends. My message is simple: Whale, which is a funny webcomic featuring dogs and rabbits, birds and swine, monotremes, a human girl child, a gentleman who looks like Montana, sometimes a moderately sexy android, and a whole lot of celebrity guests, is the greatest thing you will ever put in your brainflaps. Join Whale on his adventures with Little Girl as they explore new heights of surreality and awkwardness. Or, spend time with Pig and Duck as they straddle the line between what's scientifically possible and what's dramatically plausible. Perhaps spend an afternoon or two with Murphy, as he interviews IfTheodoreRooseveltWereARabbit, in complete disregard for his own sanity. I advise against spending any time with Montanaface, you will wish you were dead. And don't forget to peek in on a date with Duck and Sarah 4020, which may lead you to question whether a robot sexual partner may be in your own near future. Oh, and Platypus. There's a platypus in here somewhere. Thank you, and goodnight.
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