Posts Tagged: Tom And Alison Towne

6 things.
Jan 31st, 2012

Oct 1st, 2014

Dec 24th, 2014

Aug 16th, 2016

Apr 23rd, 2021
LITTLE GIRL (holding her dolphin telephone and looking annoyed as she calls over her shoulder): Aright, Mom, jeez! I'm on the telephone, aright? I'll be down in five minutes! Just start supper without me. It's aright with me! (Suddenly Matthew McConaughey appears in her room holding a pan of pot brownies, some of which have been eaten) MATT: ...Hi. I'm Matthew McConaughey. LITTLE GIRL (startled): Aaaah! What the crap! MATT: You said 'aright' three times. Whenever anybody says 'aright' three times, I appear. I'm like Beetlejuice. Except high. LITTLE GIRL: Well, we'd better get you into a disguise quick. If my mom finds a fifty-one-year-old man with a pan of jazz brownies in my room, she'll lose her crackers. (Her mother pokes her head through the door and finds Little Girl holding the pan and eating a brownie, standing next to Matthew McConaughey who is now in a wild west panda costume) MOM: Catherine Bedelia Towne, your supper is getting--what is Matthew McConaughey doing in your bedroom dressed as a wild west panda? LITTLE GIRL: All will be revealed if you eat one of these brownies, mamacita. MOM: Ok, but they had better be CHOCK full of Jamaican Spaceman, because I feel like I'm gonna lose my crackers.
Apr 28th, 2021
(Exterior of the Towne residence) LITTLE GIRL (holding her fingers curled up to her mouth like fangs and confronting her mother, who is reading in a chair next to a table with a landline phone and a picture of a lighthouse on the wall): Mom. Mom! I am a vampire? MOM: that a question? LITTLE GIRL: I just realized I haven't aged a day since 2002! And neither have you! MOM: You're probably not a vampire. Which I feel is something I shouldn't have to say as often as I do around here. LITTLE GIRL: This is serious! Were you stoned the ENTIRE pregnancy? Look at me! I've been seven years old for nineteen years! We still have a landline with a squiggly cord! Are there any gas lamps in this house? Siri, do we own a horse? I just asked our magic A.I. butler if we owned a horse, mom. What the hell year is this anyways! MOM: ...Fine. You're a vampire. (Exterior of Duck's house, which is outfitted with security cameras and large satillite dishes. Little Girl appears silhouetted in the doorway of Duck's garage, which is a vast science lab. He is working on some invention in the foreground in full protective gear) LITTLE GIRL: Hey, mister! DUCK: Are you here with my thin mints? LITTLE GIRL: I'm not a girl scout. DUCK: Yeah, I know. My inquiry still stands. LITTLE GIRL: Look, I need your help. I know you're into science because there is constantly a weird gas coming out of your house. DUCK (angrily): That gas is patent pending! Are you with DuPont? Get out! LITTLE GIRL: I just want to know why I haven't aged since I turned seven. DUCK: ...Interesting, yes. Ok, I will help you age, but only if you keep me in cookies the whole time. LITTLE GIRL: Cool. I was gonna give you one thousand dollars cash in an unmarked envelope, but I can do cookies too.