Posts Tagged: Pig

128 things.
Feb 7th, 2002

Mar 7th, 2002

May 2nd, 2002

Jun 13th, 2002

Aug 22nd, 2002

Mar 13th, 2003

Mar 27th, 2003

Apr 17th, 2003

May 6th, 2003

May 8th, 2003

May 29th, 2003

Aug 14th, 2003

Aug 21st, 2003

Sep 4th, 2003

Sep 25th, 2003

Oct 23rd, 2003

Oct 30th, 2003

Nov 27th, 2003

Jan 1st, 2004

Jan 29th, 2004

Feb 26th, 2004

Mar 11th, 2004

May 6th, 2004

May 13th, 2004

Jun 3rd, 2004

Jul 1st, 2004

Jul 8th, 2004

Jul 15th, 2004

Aug 12th, 2004

Sep 30th, 2004

Nov 18th, 2004

Nov 25th, 2004

Dec 9th, 2004

Jan 6th, 2005

Jan 27th, 2005

Feb 10th, 2005

Apr 14th, 2005

Apr 21st, 2005

Jun 9th, 2005

Jul 7th, 2005

Aug 4th, 2005

Aug 11th, 2005

Oct 6th, 2005

Oct 13th, 2005

Mar 2nd, 2006

Mar 30th, 2006

Apr 6th, 2006

May 11th, 2006

Jun 1st, 2006

Jun 8th, 2006

Jun 15th, 2006

Aug 1st, 2006

Aug 24th, 2006

Oct 10th, 2006

Jan 4th, 2007

Feb 1st, 2007

Mar 1st, 2007

Mar 22nd, 2007

Mar 31st, 2007

Apr 19th, 2007

Apr 26th, 2007

May 24th, 2007

May 31st, 2007

Jun 14th, 2007

Jul 12th, 2007

Aug 16th, 2007

Sep 6th, 2007

Sep 13th, 2007

Jan 3rd, 2008

Jan 10th, 2008

Jan 24th, 2008

Mar 27th, 2008

Apr 17th, 2008

May 8th, 2008

Jun 19th, 2008

Mar 5th, 2009

Apr 9th, 2009

Apr 16th, 2009

Apr 23rd, 2009

Apr 30th, 2009

May 7th, 2009

May 28th, 2009

Aug 6th, 2009

Jan 7th, 2010

Jan 28th, 2010

Feb 18th, 2010

Mar 11th, 2010

May 27th, 2010

Jun 10th, 2010

Aug 5th, 2010

Sep 2nd, 2010

Sep 16th, 2010

Sep 30th, 2010

Oct 21st, 2010

Nov 18th, 2010

Feb 8th, 2011

Feb 15th, 2011

Feb 24th, 2011

May 26th, 2011

Nov 15th, 2011

Feb 2nd, 2012

Jul 19th, 2012

Aug 9th, 2012

Dec 4th, 2012

Jan 9th, 2013

Jan 13th, 2013

Jan 14th, 2013

Apr 4th, 2013

Nov 7th, 2013

Mar 22nd, 2014

Mar 27th, 2014

May 14th, 2014

Oct 2nd, 2014

Oct 8th, 2014

Jan 15th, 2015

Feb 19th, 2015

Feb 24th, 2015

Mar 26th, 2015

Aug 9th, 2016

Sep 15th, 2016

Aug 4th, 2017

Oct 30th, 2018

Dec 6th, 2018
(Duck is dressed in robes, wearing an antler-like headpiece with nipples on it, Pig is engrossed in his phone) DUCK: I have returned from the future in the time vehicle of my own design. Remember? The one you bet me five dollars would explode when I turned it on? PIG: I knew you could do it. How was the future. DUCK: It was double-dog miserable, thank you very much! Y'know how they say, 'children are our future'? Well, that ain't poetry, man! The future has nothing but babies and children in it! Babies! As far as the eye can see! And are they ravenous for breastmilk? You bet they are! My government-issued nipple crown is just destroyed, I tell you! PIG: I'm...sorry to hear that, you giant lactating menorah. DUCK: You are not sorry in the least, liar! You love my ragged, dry-as-a-bone nipples! You're practically laughing right in my very face! I can see you biting the inside of your cheek to keep from doing it out loud! You're a rotten friend, you owe me a finski, and you wouldn't last a week on Saturday Night Live! PIG, taking a photo of DUCK with his phone: Yeah, well, you look like Suckle Me Schlomo.
May 16th, 2019
PIG: ...And I'm glad I did. Because when that baby smiled and giggled at me on the bus today, it really reaffirmed the essence of my humanity. One never realizes how much good a child's laughter does one's soul. DUCK: We should go to a slaughterhouse. PIG: Good Christ. DUCK: I've always wanted to visit a working abattoir. And they probably give out free samples after the tour. PIG: Of what. Raw chuck? DUCK: I dunno. Somethin'. BUTCHER (from behind a meat case, with a logo that says 'Bud Abattoir - Since 1895'): Youse want hot fudge on your raw chuck sundae? DUCK (excitedly): Was Upton Sinclair a whiny little muckraking dandy-fop!
Apr 5th, 2021
(Pig excitedly approaches Duck, who is idly licking an ice cream cone) PIG: Are you thinking what I'm thinking! DUCK: Grace Kelly was a slut. PIG: Almost! I should get a raven as a pet! They are smart as a dog, y'know. (A raven screeches at them from a pedestal) RAVEN: Modern Egyptians worship peanut butter! Freemasons control the Westminster Dog Show! Squirrels are money in Canada! Eleanor Roosevelt was Benny Goodman in drag! Telephones lactate when you're not looking! Grace Kelly was a slut! DUCK: I knew it! Grace Kelly WAS a slut! We all heard him say it! PIG (typing on a calculator): ...How in God's name do they make change in Canada.
Apr 14th, 2021
(Exterior of a missile silo, then Pig in an electronics store standing by a phone display, being helped by an employee, and answering a phone call from Duck) DUCK: Pig! Thank God you're alive! PIG: Should I not be? DUCK: Perhaps I'm projecting my recent near-death experience onto you. PIG: ...Ashley, I'm sorry. This is going to occupy absolutely the rest of my entire miserable day. The white case is fine. Thank you, Ashley. ...Ok what, Duck. DUCK: I fell down into the missile silo again, and I'm pretty deep down in here so you better come bring some ropes and shovels over here. PIG: ...Ashley, my friend fell into the missile silo. Can I come back tom- DUCK: Where are you? Am I on speaker? PIG: I'm at the Orange store buying a uPhone. DUCK: Really? Well the reception is tip-top, even in the missile silo. PIG: How would my new phone affect YOUR phone's recep-hello? (Exterior of the missile silo, which is now exploding) ASHLEY: Is everything ok, sir? PIG: Ashley, I have to go to Russia or possibly North Korea right now. Thank you, love, you've been more than helpful.
Apr 27th, 2021
(A caption at the top reads 'The following comic strip has been created using an artificial intelligence.*' A character resembling Joseph Devens but with teeth and features distorted or in the wrong locations is pointing at a pie chart divided into an impossible number of percentages with a giant blurry 'My Title' written above it and a key whose elements read 'Chonchy, Sleep, Dog Vaping, Writ, Draing, Cocoa Reality Butter, Contemplating Peanut, Dog Racing, Weep, Dog Draining, Chonchy,' and a blank space) JOSEPH: Greetings, Joseph Devens! This is a manga artist's greeting, Benz Death. I'm having fun with my trap and I love all the dogs in the sea. (The next panel has horribly distorted versions of Pig and Murphy speaking to each other. Pig has three eyes, three hooves and a hand, and a logo for 'McDong's' on his chest. Next to him float some upside-down dogs standing on two legs. Murphy's mouth is in his torso, and the word 'Press' is written partially backward on his hat and a lone molar floats near his head) PIG: We're gonna make a little change. Candy terror is real and this is my favorite way to eat candy. MURPHY: We have our own sweet tooth here. PIG: It's not a candy fish, it's your life. A lot of sugar goes a long way. MURPHY: We all want to be your friendly hands on these candy glops. PIG: The Big Candy Fisherman is back with a new album. Candy gloop. It's a perfect way to end your life. (Another caption at the bottom reads '*All of this will be extremely offensive to the sentient computer community in about fifty years. We offer our sincerest apologies.')
Sep 8th, 2022
DUCK (excitedly presenting some fish on a platter to Pig): You want some sushi? PIG: A whole, filthy seabass served on a garbage can lid is not sushi. DUCK: Yeah? Says who. PIG: Anthony Bourdain's ghost, as a matter of fact. DUCK: Anthony Bourdain's ghost? How come I can't see him? PIG: ...Bourdain's ghost says he'll appear for you, but only if you eat that entire rotten fish in front of him. DUCK: Are you kidding? I love sushi! DUCK (looking ill after having consumed the fish): ...Feeling...not great...but worth meet...Bourdain's ghost... PIG: Duck, there's no such thing as ghosts. Your stupidity, however, is horrifically tangible. DUCK: ...I think the seabass was pregnant. PIG: Wow, sushi AND caviar. Will you be having champagne with your meal, Mr. Rockafeller? ANTHONY BOURDAIN'S GHOST (suddenly appearing as Duck and Pig look on in amazement): ...I ate a live duckling in Sri Lanka.