Posts Tagged: Montanaface

54 things.
Apr 4th, 2002

Apr 18th, 2002

Jul 25th, 2002

Feb 6th, 2003

Feb 13th, 2003

Feb 20th, 2003

Apr 15th, 2003

Apr 17th, 2003

May 1st, 2003

Jun 5th, 2003

Jun 26th, 2003

Aug 7th, 2003

Oct 9th, 2003

Nov 11th, 2003

Feb 5th, 2004

Jun 24th, 2004

Jul 22nd, 2004

Sep 23rd, 2004

Nov 4th, 2004

Jun 2nd, 2005

Sep 8th, 2005

Nov 24th, 2005

Jan 12th, 2006

Feb 9th, 2006

Mar 16th, 2006

Mar 23rd, 2006

Jun 22nd, 2006

Nov 30th, 2006

Feb 8th, 2007

Mar 15th, 2007

Apr 12th, 2007

May 10th, 2007

Aug 16th, 2007

Mar 27th, 2008

Aug 20th, 2009

Apr 1st, 2010

Sep 2nd, 2010

Nov 18th, 2010

Feb 22nd, 2011

Nov 10th, 2011

Jan 19th, 2012

Apr 26th, 2012

Aug 7th, 2012

Jan 12th, 2013

Oct 23rd, 2013

Apr 1st, 2014

Oct 5th, 2014

Oct 12th, 2014

Jan 27th, 2015

Mar 17th, 2015

Apr 16th, 2015

Oct 27th, 2017

Apr 19th, 2021
(Montanaface is dining at a restaurant called Chicken Cult, and a server approaches him) SERVER: Hi! Thanks for visiting our family restaurant! The chicken is good and right. I'm Kaitlyn! Can I get you anything? Some sauce, maybe? MONTANAFACE: I'm fine, thanks. SERVER: My pleasure! The chicken is good and right...Say, how'd you like to do something worthwhile with your life? MONTANAFACE: I've already got a menial, low-paying job, thanks. SERVER: Ha-ha, my pleasure! But I'm talking about the ultimate commitment, sir. See, when the Chicken Lord returns from his celestial throne amid the Lambda Centauri Nebula to harvest the righteous during The Chickening, we will all be escorted into his Chickenly Pleasure Sphere on wings of pure sauce to the Altar of the Divine Chicken Spectre, whose ancient knowledge is as deep and vast as the very River of Sauce itself and whose painless eternal embrace will usher in a golden age of endless love for everyone! 'Cept queers, of course. The chicken is good and right! Now. How 'bout some sauce for that sandwich. You won't even taste the secret's cyanide! MONTANAFACE: ...I'll think about it...Meantime, you seem like a 'low standards' kinda gal, what's say we head back to my place. SERVER: I'm saving myself for the Chicken Lord, thank you. MONTANAFACE: Why is every girl I meet 'saving herself for the Chicken Lord'? Am I that revolting? Couldn't we just talk a little before you decide? I really am a great guy. C'mon, Kaitlyn. Whatd'ya say. (She sits opposite him, and becomes reflexively fixed in a pose of utter revulsion as he looks on, bemused)
Sep 15th, 2022
HOT GIRL (talking to Montanaface): I know this sounds forward, but you are EXACTLY my type. You wanna maybe Netflix and chill my brains out? MONTANAFACE: I only got one rule in my life, babe--never trust a chick with bangs. What's she got under there, I don't know! Secrets? Lies? Rumors? A rabid family of mice? Is she wearing a wire? God knows. No thanks, you duplicitous harpy. HOT GIRL (now only in sexy lingerie, holding a scissors and a handful of hastily chopped off bangs): ...The only 'bangs' I care about involve you, me, a quart of body chocolate, and-- MONTANAFACE: Imma stop you right there, Zooey Lay-from-hell. If I wanted to have nightmarish casual relations with a deranged barber, I'd open up a questionable meat pie shop on Fleet Street. No means no, you smoking-hot daffy fringe witch!