It has been two and one half years since I last wrote in this godforsaken blog. But, as usual, Catherine won’t shut up about the internet. She just discovered cat videos. When she told me about them, I naturally assumed she was talking about some new kind of pornography, but then she showed me some and I wished it had been pornography. At least in pornography the big things don’t have a hard time fitting into the little things, whereas the morbidly obese cat Catherine showed me could NOT fit into the comically small fishbowl it was trying to hide in. Why do cats always wish to shoehorn their giant bodies into the smallest of objects? I believe evolution is responsible. In caveman times, cats were the size of horses and people rode them around. They hated being ridden, because cats are stupid and lazy. Eventually, the cats started trying to hide in small spaces to avoid being ridden, like in a hollowed-out log, or a hollowed-out tree, or the hollowed-out carcass of a cat who was too big to fit all the way into a hollowed-out log and died sticking half-way out. My point is, the cats who could fit into small places eventually won out over the cats who could not, and this trait was passed down for millions of years until today, when your average housecat spends most of the day brooding and avoiding everyone inside of an empty Cheerios box.

My other point is, I’m pretty much black-out drunk right now.