I just read my last entry, and it scared me to death and I cried all over the place. Perhaps I went a little overboard on that one. “My bad” as they say. Didn’t mean to ruin your Christmas with my inflated sarcasm. Also, Jesus came down and said that if I didn’t make things right, he would personally set my hair on fire, take pictures of me dancing around like an idiot trying to put it out, and email the pictures to all his friends.

In other news, I’ve had two important realizations this year. I will list them now.

Realization #1:
The stupidest-looking thing humans can do together is hold on to each other and jump up an down as a group in celebration. This activity usually takes place on gameshows and when a group of underdogs does something really amazing and unexpected. Say, for instance, when a dozen old ladies somehow manage to keep a greedy ol’ real estate tycoon from tearing down their quilting club headquarters to build a puppy-killing factory by getting a hastily prepared petition signed by the townspeople. Anyway, it looks really stupid and I laugh everytime I see it. (Envision people doing this now, and see how you feel.)

Realization #2:
I’m never ever eating Turducken again. And furthermore, I’m never eating ANYTHING with “turd” in its name ever again.