Posts Tagged: Whale

236 things.
Jan 3rd, 2002
WHALE: Hey, a 'possum. Let's wake it up. DUCK: I think this one's actually dead, man. WHALE: How do you know? DUCK: Because I've been poking it with this stick for five hours. Plus, half of it is still back there in the road.
Jan 10th, 2002
WHALE: Good morning, Iftheodorerooseveltwerearabbit. How were the primaries? IFTEDDY: Not good. Turns out people aren't keen on liberal public urination policies. WHALE: Maybe if you'd stop kissing attractive married women after your speeches. With your tongue. IFTEDDY: Look, babies are so passé.
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Aug 28th, 2018
(Exterior Greenwals, a pharmacy, in mid-summer) WHALE (to LITTLE GIRL): ...Now we're just gettin' my pills this time, ok! I am NOT walking outta here with a fat bag of pure marshmallows for that ravenous sugar drain of yours, so don't even think-- (Interior Greenwals, at a display that says 'Only 11568 shopping days left until Christmas 2049', with items such as pregnant and nursing female and lesbian Santas, a set called 'One-Piece Nativity' with the tagline 'Who needs a man to have a kid!', a snowglobe with 'Baby It's Fun Walking Home In The Cold Undeterred' on the base, a box of 'Rudolph The Red Flow's Peppermint Tampons', some mistletoe personalized for the names Holly, Debra, Emily, and Jane, a wreath with 'Bitch the halls, y'all!' on it, and a beverage case containing Plan B Unfertilizing Nog) WHALE: Motheragod, they got Christmas out already.
Oct 30th, 2018

Jun 25th, 2020
(Platypus is phoning Whale from the bar Boobers, surrounded by beautiful women and beer) PLATYPUS: Whale! You gotta get down to Boobers, man! It's Virus-Behind-Us Tuesday, and they're sellin' wings for a damn penny! That's Teapot Dome Scandal prices! Sauce is flowing like the filthy Mississippi! The girls are wearing fried pickle pasties! Some asshole put a Phil Spector wig on a living horse and it is our king now! We've burned the laws of man! Come take a ride on the sauce-n-slide, Whale! This place is a three-ring pennychicken circus, I tell you! Get in your car, man, the virus is over! (Whale is sitting in his living room wearing a mask, next to a Boobers blow-up doll and a package of 'dehydrated chicken' and a jar of 'dehydrated beer') WHALE: I will certainly NOT be joining you at Boobers, Platypus. I am perfectly happy dining alone, in the safety of my living room, with my Virtual Boobers Stay-At-Home Paranoia Party Pack, thank you very much. And I ain't leavin' 'til Dr. Fauci himself says the virus is over! PLATYPUS: ...Fauci's HERE, man! And he's licking sauce off of everyone's dirty faces! (Whale and Platypus are in a graveyard, wearing masks, looking at a tombstone with an angel carving that's also wearing a mask, that reads 'Dr. Anthony Fauci 1940-2020 'Sometimes you flatten the curve; sometimes the curve flattens you') WHALE: What did I say! Did I say Boobers was a bad idea?! PLATYPUS: I told that clown not to make out with the horse.