Posts Tagged: Murphy

36 things.
Mar 21st, 2002

Mar 28th, 2002

Apr 11th, 2002

Feb 27th, 2003

Sep 30th, 2003

Mar 4th, 2004

Mar 3rd, 2005

Jun 23rd, 2005

Feb 23rd, 2006

Apr 13th, 2006

Nov 23rd, 2006

May 17th, 2007

Feb 28th, 2008

Apr 3rd, 2008

Jun 11th, 2009

Feb 11th, 2010

Apr 29th, 2010

Jul 8th, 2010

Jul 15th, 2010

Feb 17th, 2011

Jul 24th, 2012

Mar 28th, 2013

Oct 15th, 2013

Mar 20th, 2014

May 16th, 2014

Oct 4th, 2014

Oct 14th, 2014

Dec 25th, 2014

Jan 20th, 2015

Jan 22nd, 2015

Mar 5th, 2015

Apr 14th, 2015

Oct 20th, 2016

Jan 4th, 2017
(MURPHY is holding up a copy of the Long Island Ledger, with the headline 'Trump Names Cabinet' at the top, and a prominent ad saying 'Become A Private Eye' at the bottom) MURPHY: ...and Charlie Sheen as head of the ATF. IFTEDDY: Shut up what's that. MURPHY: This is a newspaper. IFTEDDY: Shut up not this, that! MURPHY: That is an advertisement. Advertisements make newspapers possible. In fact-- IFTEDDY: Become a private eye, eh? ...Yes. Yes. Women. A gun... Yes. (Interior of IFTEDDY'S new private eye office) GORGEOUS ART DECO-ERA FEMALE CLIENT: Are you Buck Fancy, Private Eye? IFTEDDY: That's the name on the door, ain't it, baby? CLIENT: Sex me now, mister! IFTEDDY: I'm only good at two things, tootsie gams. Peelin' grapefruits and firing my gun. And you don't look like a grapefruit to me. Peppers! Applesauce! CLIENT: What?
Jun 30th, 2017

Feb 5th, 2019
MURPHY: Don't you think it's time to issue an official statement regarding your belligerent tantrum at the Suffolk County Blueberry Festival? #Muffingate has already become a trending scandal, congressman. IFTEDDY: Then they shouldn't have run out of blueberries, should they! MURPHY: ...You're saying the temporary pause in your blueberry muffin consumption did not prompt you to freak out and start the most potentially devastating commercial bakery fire in New York's 231-year state history? IFTEDDY: I handled the situation like a professional cucumber cooler is what I did. MURPHY: I wouldn't call throwing old women to the dirty ground as you explode through a flaming doorway screaming 'we're all gonna die' handling a momentary blueberry shortage like a professional anything. IFTEDDY: Please, there's no need to call me a hero. The only rewards I need are the smiles of the children whose grandmothers I used as human shields, and the purses I nabbed while selflessly running from the factory's burning skeleton.