Hello, voting public. You’ve reached the blog of the candidate for and future office-holder of an important elected office near you. I’m talking about me, Iftheodorerooseveltwerearabbit. But now let’s talk about you. Are you tired of party politics? Good. I[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
I inadvertently read a news article today while surfing the internet for Russian schoolgirl porn that said that Rush Limbaugh is losing sponsors left and right because his show’s ratings have dropped significantly. To this I say, “Huzzah and hooray.”[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
A root canal performed with a chainsaw. A Sriracha sauce enema. A handjob from Edward Scissorhands. What do these three things have in common? They are all events that I would sooner endure than a ride on a city bus.[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
There is a children’s program on public television called Maria Tortilla and the Melting Pot Bunch. I only know of this show because I meant to tivo the Ken Burns documentary on Victorian-era pornography, but instead I accidentally recorded Maria[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
There is nothing more abhorrent than a Christmas song. Sleigh bells are not an instrument. Regular bells are barely an instrument. How many dead crooners do I need to hear coaxing reluctant girls into having sex with them because it’s[…]↓ Read the rest of this entry…
