You will never experience a more beautiful efficiency than this video of Andy Warhol eating a Burger King Whopper in 1981.

Listen to that sound. It actually purrs! That’s real film, too. Remember when movies were sensual? Remember right now in your head. What do you feel? I feel sexy. Movies were sexy because they were sensual. Movies were sensual because they were made by and for the senses. Senses are physical tools which interpret sensual stimuli in helpful ways. Emotions are helpful when you’re trying to interpret artistic stimuli. What is it saying? How is it touching? Why am I looking at it? Those are all questions you can easily answer yourself with the helpful emotions art helps you feel. Because hearing, touching, and seeing are all senses. Which are sensual. And sexy. And fun! If you don’t feel anything, it’s not art. And it’s no fun.

Digital stimuli are fantastic if you’re looking for efficient homogeneity, but listen to that bag. What sounds like that bag anymore? Bags don’t even sound that way in real life. Which is why this is art. That bag would sound perfectly like a perfect bag if this film had been made today, which is perfect if you love hearing bags sound like bags, but listen to that warm, ambient street noise out the window. It’s probably not as far away as it sounds. The space is enormous. Feel the sunlight filling up the room at the very end.

If you imagine away the haircut, Andy Warhol was not a weird guy at all. Do it, it’s fun! Watch the video, except imagine that the bottom of his haircut is the entire haircut. Now what do you see? It’s just a guy eating a hamburger. Which is probably how he saw himself, too. Just a guy who eats food out of bags.

Except he looked at the bag. For a long time. Way longer than we would have looked at the bag. He fell in love with the bag! And why not? It’s a perfect bag. Check it out. It’s just the logo. That’s it. Two colors on white. Red and orange. It makes you feel hungry, right? And two words. “Burger” and “King.” And you know those orange shapes are a bun because you know those words are the meat. Because they’re red. And the letters are plump. Juicy, even. And even though “burger” is a much longer word than “king,” they both take up the same amount of horizontal space on top of each other. Like beef patties! It’s perfect.

But Andy knew nobody would love that bag the way he did unless he made it imperfect. Nobody would’ve cared if he’d held up a can of soup on the subway and said, “Hey! This is cool, right?” And that was unacceptable to him because he wanted people to care. Because he cared! And he only cared because of the nice emotions he felt when he sensed that kind of stuff. Stuff like that turned him on, and my guess is that he wanted to turn us on too. If for no other reason than to be a nice guy, and isn’t that weird at all? So he got a bad haircut and turned himself into a 7-foot logo. Like the bag! He made the bag sound to everybody else the way it sounded to him. Which didn’t sound like a bag at all.

Everything was always “That’s great!” with Warhol. Probably because he actually thought everything was always great. He was easy to please because he looked at stuff way closer than other people and saw the hidden pleasures. A piece of yarn becomes the coolest thing in the world when you’re stuck in a room for a week with nothing but a piece of wire. Maybe there’s a mouse but you can’t touch it. Andy just got there faster. And he expressed himself with the same perfect efficiency. But most people don’t do that. So most people said he was “weird.” Like this video. This video is really something. It’s also really nothing! And that’s the best part. It’s weird on purpose to show how boring it is. Which makes it interesting! And interest is how the senses introduce you to fun emotions. It’s sensual! So it’s art. But most people don’t do that. So most people said he was “weird.” Like this video.

Well the only weird thing about Andy Warhol ever did on purpose was that goofy haircut. But he did that on pupose to help us see beyond efficiency to sensuality, and then back to efficiency. To us, represent pure efficiency. Which mean they disposable for doing her job, Amy. Warhols saw the efficiency of the beauty of and the beauty and effectively. figured out that the only efficient way to help sexy feel around efficiency was to convey the sensual data of efficient sensual was to make them sex with a mouse far less eif.fectein or it’s Horseshit? This guy, I dunno man, this guys maybe hes a some kinda asshole? And I don’t, and oh boy I really some a doctors all about my head hurts and a bad, and oh boy and! my heads And a really a high? Fever!. Ate it. Driank it! no,don’t. Drink drank bean ban bean can’t screen man bean bean ink can soup beans can cans from 1964? Becau You all you guys see this semitransparent mouse creeping outta Warhol’s pants, right? Amy? Andy? I fuck this invisible mouse? IT DOESN’T COME OUT! hELLOMK* ,/ ???_

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        `. `-_     “–..”       _.-‘ ,’
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