My therapist said I should try a writing exercise where you write in the third person as a way to better express your feelings. So, here goes.

Montanaface drives to the therapist’s office on Tuesday afternoon. He does not expect much progress to be made during his session today. Montanaface does not have any insurance, so he must pay the 120 dollar fee out of pocket. Montanaface does not have any money. Montanaface gives the girl at the check-in window a handful of Monopoly money because he knows that the girl at the check-in window is blind and will not know the difference. Montanaface has done this three times already without being caught. During therapy, Montanaface silently passes gas into a couch pillow. Does his therapist notice? Montanaface is sure that she does, because she makes a face. Montanaface would be embarrassed, but his self-esteem is so low that he does not care. Montanaface talks about his mother to his therapist, who makes some notes on a legal pad. Later, Montanaface’s therapist will tear out her notes and throw them away because she secretly hates Montanaface and doesn’t give a damn that his mother put out a cigar on his naked back when he was 8. Montanaface’s therapist suggests that Montanaface go home and write a journal entry in the third person as a way to better express his feelings. Montanaface does this for a while, but then gets bored and starts making things up. Montanaface met Bigfoot in 1973 at a truck stop in Reno, Nevada. Bigfoot was shorter-looking in person than in his photograph. Montanaface can fly a helicopter. Montanaface once flew a helicopter underwater and met a beautiful mermaid who he then had passionate sex with in the helicopter while he was flying it underwater. Montanaface was invited to host the Oscars, but declined because he was too busy solving crime with a talking dog named McGillicutty.