ATTENTION EVERYBODY: This not a metaphor, and I am NOT fucking around. If you haven’t been listening to the sounds and words I’ve been making lately, then listen up and listen good. I’m only saying this twice:

WHEN: THIS FEBRUARY THE 23, THURSDAY AT 9:45 IN THE POST MERIDIAN.

WHAT: THE WORLD PREMIER SCREENING OF ME AND MY FRIEND’S MOVIE, ENTITLED “THE METAMORPHOSIS.” (BASED ON THE WORK BY FRANZ KAFKA OF THE SAME NAME.)

WHERE: ALAMO DRAFT HOUSE DOWNTOWN. (COLORADO STREET LOCATION.) OPEN SCREEN NIGHT.

WHO: ME, MY CREATIVE PARTNER ANDREW CAVE (OF “GENTLE TOUR” FAME) AND YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS. AND THE PEOPLE WHO WORK AT THE MOVIE THEATRE. (AND THE COPS, BECAUSE AFTER YOU SEE THE FILM, YOU WILL START A RIOT BECAUSE YOU CAN’T BELIEVE HOW UN-B’FRIGGIN-LIEVABLE IT WAS.)

Ok, is everything clear? It’s pretty simple. Drive your lazy asses down to the alamo drafthouse on thursday the 23 and see my movie. Did I mention that it’s clay-mation? Did I mention that Tim Burton himself began weeping like a bruised orphan when he saw it? Did I mention that If I personally don’t see your ruddy visage present at the screening I’m gonna hit you really hard in the shoulder? Because I am.